My Life is miserable, how can i be happy?

I have a really low self-esteem. I’ve been depressed for a very long time. Everyday I wake up and thank god that I’m alive, which is the only reason I’m still here with you guys to share my thoughts, otherwise I would probably take my life away. I am a full-time college student and I can not concentrate at my studies at all, which is why I am getting such poor grades. I do not know what I want to be for my future. I’m 23 years old and I have no job. I have a lot of friends then again at end of the day I’m all alone. Many of friends betrayed me and did things behind my back and were not loyal to me, I get a lot fake love from people, which is why I choose to be by myself. I can not tell my problems to anyone not even to the closest people around me, which is why I am asking you people out there for help. I’m not very happy with myself as far as physical appearance. I’m decent looking and body wise I’m out of shape I need to tone up, I still hate the way I look and hate myself so much. Many of my female friends find me attractive but I haven’t found the right girl yet to settle down with. I’ve only had one girlfriend in the past. I’m still a virgin. I had 3 chances to lose my virginity but I punked out. Recently I hooked up with a girl I met and when we got ready to do it I got nervous, scared and I d too quickly, which made me embarred and I didn’t go through with it. This is the reason why I’m still a virgin, out of embarrment of not able to hold it long. Out of desperation I even sometimes go to strip clubs to get lap dances spending all my money. Many of my friends indirectly say that I’m not real and I’m sensitive and am not a real “man”. People don’t know how much pain I have inside. I always try to joke around people to hide all my pain. About two years ago I met a girl from MySpace and basically fell in love with her. I wanted her to be my first which is why I kind of rushed into things, I was so into her that I made so many attempts and advances towards her to sleep with me, that she might have got turned off by that. She shared of a lot dark secrets with me and told me about how she was broken from her past relationships, which is why I loved her so much and wanted to make it better. I was very obsessed with that girl and two this day I still think about her time to time. I was insecure and always accused her of things. She said she loved me too, but after three months of seeing each other she comes out tells me that she has a b/f. Even from the beginning I had doubts about her and knew maybe she was hiding something. She broke my heart and ever since then mentally I haven’t been the same. I did things for that girl nobody would do, I cared for her so much but she played mind games with me and basically did me dirty. I lie to my friends and even to my sibling that I hook up with girls which in reality I don’t. I am not very true to myself. I just want all my problems to go away. I don’t how much longer I can bare all this pain. I cannot tell my problems to my parents afraid that they might judge me. I feel that I’m such a good person with a great heart but I have so much bad luck. This is what’s keeping me from moving forward in life. I have a lot issues. I am not crazy or weird which some of you might think, I just been through a lot in my life. I can sit here and write you a book with all my problems but I don’t have time for that. Please let me know how I can be happy in life???